I think a lot of marriages has something like this cross its path. It’s not *un*natural, but who needs that energy around? Especially with little kids and working, etc.

1. May I recommend the book Kosher Adultery. It’s already ten years old, but it still rings true. Coupled with Kosher Lust. They tell all about this phenomenon and also remedies. They go into passion, jealousy, spouses, reasons, the way men and women think, and basically how to have a love affair with your spouse!

2. Here’s a story which contains many ways you could look at it:

My DH hates to hold hands. Hates it. Hates PDA. Hates it all. However! One fourth of July we’re at a party. An old friend of mine from High School was there. We were never together, but back in the day people would try to set us up. This one really would be like dating a brother (ew). DH meanwhile is all threatened! He starts, wait for it ~ holding my hand!! He says, “Let’s take a walk”. We take a mile long walk on the beach. He is still holding hands! Won’t let go!

The irony? HS friend wasn’t the one he should have been jealous of! A few years before another friend felt an intense emotional connection ~ with me! Like this girl. Emails. Confessions. “I love you”. I told DH. DH snorts and says, “Phht, he’s fat!” I’m all, “No, this is serious.” DH laughs.

Which character do you see yourself as? Are you sure about that? Can you change it?

3. Practical Advice: Have your own Mystique about you. Act happy! Look good! Sing! He will wonder what is going on with you! Entice him with your newness, your vibrancy! The girl? Don’t mention her at all. Leave the kids with him while you go out with girlfriends. Come back happy! Go on retreats of your own! Day trips! Come back inspired! Continue. You get the idea.

Your husband won’t rest until he finds out what (or who!) flipped the switch in you! Truthfully say, “No one.” Then have a long, deep talk. Say (in your own words!!!) the email confession back to him. That he is more than a husband, he is your Brother, your Twin Soul. That yours is the deepest connection ever.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Inky.