Hello Joe,

There is a problem in the notion that another person would complete you and that they would fill a void within: they can never continuously fill it exactly the way you need it to be filled. There is no perfect fit like that, that could be sustained. So, eventually you would run into a situation where you’re no longer content for what ever reason, and need to look for the fix again from elsewhere.

Also, if you are looking for a woman to make you whole, does that mean that what you are offering to her is half a man? Wouldn’t it be nicer to be able to offer her a complete man to begin with? 😉

There’s a little bit of idealization of love in your story. The idea of the perfect partner, the idealization of what it was like now that you don’t have it anymore, buying a ring and planning to travel far to make her yours… This kind of mindset will always leave things just outside of your reach. In your mind the perfect something exist, so the actual reality that is in front of you isn’t as appealing. But perfect the way you imagine it does not exist, so you’ll forever be seeking it.

Fortunately, it is possible to reverse this mindset, and realize that you already have everything that you could possibly need within you. Then it’s just about sharing that with someone else. You can look at meditation practices as a spiritual thing, or you can look at them as practical actions taken to allow your brain to grow so that you could have these realizations. To be able to be emotionally mature and to love like a grown man.

You should also love yourself in a humble way. To accept yourself as you are and accept that you are loved. To let love into your heart and let it grow. You said that you have unconditional love towards the girl who is now gone. I understand that we can have different kinds of descriptions for different things. My idea of unconditional love is that you are so full of love and compassion yourself that it will flow towards other beings, without care of who is in the receiving end. It’s not specific to one particular person, because if it was, it wouldn’t be unconditional anymore. It would have the condition that the person you love is the person you think that they are. If they would be someone else, the love would stop.

It would be great if you could cultivate your mind-heart connection in a way that you could have that love in your heart regardless of who you are with, and to understand rationally how to use it. Instead of great drama and soul mates and love greater than life, you could find such joy and perfection(!) in the most mundane things in your own life and in the life that you are sharing with another person. I’m not the right person to discuss about how to cultivate interpersonal relationships, as I’m still personally struggling with that one, but you should start with yourself anyway.

There are couple of books I’d recommend to you.

One is Buddha’s Brain by Rick Hanson: http://www.amazon.com/Buddhas-Brain-Practical-Neuroscience-Happiness/dp/1572246952

The other is How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo: http://www.amazon.com/How-Be-Adult-Relationships-Mindful-ebook/dp/B00HZ374KY

Other than that, I’m not going to tell you what I think you should do. I hope that you can start a journey of personal growth. When you learn how to be yourself, your whole self, you’ll know in your heart and in your mind what you should do.