Hey Tinyzebra,

Going through the same… very much the same… only we were together for about a year and a half. It was long distance at first, and things were wonderful when we would see each other, (about 2 weekends a month) and when I moved closer, (not necessarily to be with him, but for school..) things were good at first, but I realized since I was in a new city, I depended on him a lot, I was so vulnerable and homesick that I think it turned him off. He goes through bouts of darkness, as do I, but I think his is worse. I at least do what i can to work on myself, (meditate, write, etc)… and he holds it in and it creates a monster out of him at times. I never wanted to change him, he is a strong person, but when he goes through that darkness, no one can take him out of it, certainly not me. I had already accepted him, with all his faults and flaws, I know all too well that you can’t “change” anyone. But what I failed to realize, is all the “red flags” all throughout. Sometimes he would be more distant than other times. He would only want to see me when he was in a good mood. He would go through moments where he was very vulnerable and warm with me, and then all of a sudden he would turn ice cold and distant. At first I thought it was cause he’s a gemini (dumb, i know!) but then I realized, he’s just messed up,.. and not even I can do much to help him get out of that darkness. So now… it’s been 3 weeks since I decided that I needed to move on with my life. He has been distant with me, so I have been just as distant with him. He asked to see me but then changed his mind… (not sure what that’s all about.) But, I can’t afford my sanity to worry about him, when I really just be directing the energy towards myself. So… if I’ve learned anything these last three weeks it is,
1) Open up to your friends. While they can’t tell you what to do, the reflection aspect of opening up allows you to hear your situation aloud and makes you see things for what they are.
2) Do things that make you happy! (I have been taking dance classes and going out to dance & enjoying the music & arts scene in my city.)
3) Write what you feel, but also write what you want for yourself! Be optimistic. This will pass. There is someone so wonderful out there for you that you just have to believe it and manifest it into your life.
4) Practice gratitude. Yes, be grateful for your experience, it is teaching you many lessons. For me, it is teaching me that I am stronger than I thought, and that I do have great coping skills.
5) Cry if you need to, but once you do, more forward.
6) MEDITATE! It has been my SAVING GRACE!

Okay. Keep your head up! I am going through the same right now… so far, no-contact has been the best option for me. Smile. Do you. Love yourself! You are enough!

Best wishes!