Thank you for posting. I’m going through much of the same myself. It’s difficult to bounce back from a betrayal! Consider yourself lucky… the woman mine betrayed me with works with both of us and it’s more and more difficult every day for me to have that situation directly there in my face. It’s taking strength that I often question having just to maintain composure. Even then, I have extremely high anxiety right now due to the fact that I am attempting to open myself up emotionally and finally deal with my own abandonment and availability issues. Every day that I deal with this I feel like I’m creating a whole new monster. It’s hard to find the balance between emotional openness and the right amount of emotional control… no less with so much hurt thrown at my feet.
I really hope that you find that peace and get past the hurt, because as much pain as that realization brings you… No one willing to hurt you is worth suffering over. And I know, I’m sitting here suffering over my ex too. And wondering why and when I’ll get past it. Just know you can be happy and do all that you can to keep busy and move forward in positive ways. Please post whenever you have a positive breakthrough. We are all here for you through the darkness and the light. You’ll find your way.
And wow, I just have to say… WHY is it that people who betray us always make us seek our own blame? This one did too! But therein lies the answer, right in the question. The whole point of the exercise was to deceive to get their own way. Remember that and just focus on you. It’s not YOUR issue in that case. You can’t blame yourself for being trusting, loving, or giving. These are things that women are inherently, it is in our DNA. You cannot blame yourself for trusting him, because you cannot know what is in the deepest spaces of his heart, only your own. We are not superheroes with x-ray vision and psychic powers. There is no way to truly know the mind of another. Learn to trust yours again. That’s all that matters. Xoxoxo.