Well, to me all of this just seems like a misunderstanding that turned into a huge mess. I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through, but I have had myself episodes when the drama of it was just overwhelming and all I wanted to do is run away. I was angry at everyone. Here are a few steps that helped me:

1. If you did something wrong towards your friends, first of all apologize, ask them to forgive you and let them know how much it hurts you to see or hear those comments. Sometimes people don’t even realize how much harm they are doing by teasing, bringing up old wounds, and rehashing everything. Give them the benefit of the doubt and try talking to them. If it works, great; if it doesn’t, then you know you’ve done your best.

2. Stop talking about it. If anyone in your group of friends brings it up, kindly tell them that it’s a matter from the past and you’d like to keep it in the past. Be gentle about it though, nobody likes to be put in the corner for some random comment.

3. It seems to me that you’re more angry at yourself than you are at your friends. Maybe because you trusted them, maybe because you allowed yourself to get involved in all the drama. Whatever it is, forgive yourself for it. Let it be a lesson for the future, but leaving the drama and the pain in the past.

4. Forgive your friends. At the end of the day, they are human, with good and bad. You once saw them as your friends. Even if they no longer fit that title, they must have done something to deserve the title “friend” and some point in your life. Forgive them for all the bad things and try to still appreciate the good things they did.

5. Go back to your art. Even if you don’t feel like it in the beginning, even if it brings some of the pain back, just let the pain wash through and let art heal you.

And last, but not least, as for support. You don’t have to ask your friends or your family if that makes your uncomfortable or embarrassed, just ask anyone, feel free to ask me – after all, I’m just a stranger so I have no judgments to begin with. I’m happy to be a sounding board while you figure things out. Look me up at http://www.justlav.com and shoot me an email and most importantly, never ever think that you don’t matter.