Dear PPT,

First of all, I applaud you for acknowledging your own mistakes and owning up to them. As for the behavior of your so-called friends and their posse, unfortunately being petty and unkind are simply how many individuals act out. Putting others down in order to feel better about oneself usually indicates one’s own fears and insecurities.

I have been in therapy for most of my adult life, focusing considerable effort on forgiving family, friends, and mortal enemies. Although the “adult” or intellectual part of me eventually gained insight regarding all the trauma, I kept suffering because it was my “inner child” that was still suffering and needed healing. If this resonates with you in any way, I will share that what helped me considerably was embracing the Buddhist concept of interconnectivity, along with practicing Tonglen meditation. Specifically, I focus on the common attributes that I share with my enemies and cultivate compassion for them. One technique is to picture people who have harmed you as 5 year-old children and imagine how they must have suffered and are still hurting as adults. You can also picture yourself as a 5 year-old and have a dialogue with them, informing them know that you understand and forgive them. This practice has helped me alleviate and get rid of ruminations, flashbacks, and nightmares. All of this is detailed in my latest book. I wish you inner peace.

In Kindness,

Bill