@Tinyzebra so glad you’ve been doing better!

I totally broke down yesterday. I’ve been meaning to write a post for feedback… but then I go into moments of denial and blind hope… thinking that he’ll come to my doorstep and say he’s an idiot and that he doesn’t want to lose me. That’s just fantasy, I know, but why do i hold on to hope for someone whose clearly hurt me and will probably continue to hurt me more?

I am so sad at times and while I try my best to snap out of it, it is not a matter of “snapping out of it” and I realize that I should dwell a little, because it is all part of the process. While I have dated plenty, I have not loved as I have this one. It has only been 3 weeks, and its still so fresh, but I can see myself moving forward and loving again! I need to enjoy this city that I’m in… i went from L.A., (where i had lost hope of dating cause i had my fair share of idiots, but it was me attracting this type of guy)… to a new city.. S.F. where there are infinite opportunities to attract what I want and what I deserve.. I am just going to “enjoy” this process… (the word enjoy sounds awful), but I really am going to just feel this whole thing out… get it out of my system, and learn from it. I have so much love to offer and so deserving of it being reciprocated… that’s what I am focused on now. I have made wonderful friends out here, but I have this thing about depending on people… I don’t want to depend on anyone else to make me happy…. I want to tap into that from within… and this journey has been very lonely… I have been able to seek advice and help from friends (who are all over the country) and some who are here… I find that more than anything, I appreciate their perspective and willingness to listen. I am all alone to reflect over this holiday, and It kinda makes me sad… last year on memorial weekend was one of our getaways, and it was such a beautiful time… I need to stop living in the past….

Anyway, @tinyzebra, i’d love to see how your progress is going, it gives me hope… 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by MayraLuna.