Hi Dez (@hakom)

Sorry, I have had a rather busy week, and I haven’t had a chance to get into the right mindset to participate in this forum.

I’m not sure if it a good idea that I would speak on behalf of your husband, even if I feel like I might be similar in some sense. I personally appreciate transparency, but unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. For example, would it be a good idea to tell him that you have looked into his e-mails? That would be transparency, but at what cost? I honestly do not know.

Honestly communicating your needs is always a good thing. “I need to feel safe in order to attempt opening up, and I don’t feel safe when I feel that there is a threat to our marriage” for example. OK, that was a lot of “feels”, but the threat isn’t an actual fact, but a feeling. It doesn’t make it any less valid. Intimacy requires trust; trust in yourself and in your partner. I do think that you need to build trust towards yourself, and one good way to do that is to be as authentic as you can. It really does build your self-esteem and that helps in trusting others as well, since you know that you can always fall on your feet. Don’t let your fear to take over and rule your life.

I’m sorry, I’m probably still not in the right kind of mindset to express myself more thoroughly.