Dear Breathing,

I saw this post yesterday, and felt like I needed to respond, but I was overcome by fear of saying the wrong things. I’m not a Buddhist (although I’m also not un-Buddhist-like). I haven’t experienced what you’ve experienced, so I can’t truly relate. I am sorry for all the suffering you have gone through on your journey.

After the most peculiar sequence of events, I am now awake at 3.44am after waking up from the most horrific child abuse related nightmare (complete fiction, but scary) and having to calm myself down by going through some actual events that have happened to me, which I was thinking about before I fell asleep. I’m not going to get into the details, as they don’t matter, but I feel compelled now to share couple of thoughts that came to me during tonight.

Reconnect with the reality after the dream. Not just today’s reality, but also to accept what has happened before. Turn to the child within, who’s probably feeling scared after being reminded of the past, and say something like “Yes, it did happen, I’m sorry and I refuse to carry shame over what has happened.” Something that has been suppressed and hidden for a long time has a need to be acknowledged before it can go away. I am sure that you have been working on this before, but if it does come back again, then acknowledging and accepting the reality would hopefully bring some release. Also, I think that it’s important to acknowledge the child within and his suffering. When we are children, we don’t have a strong voice and what we would’ve then most needed is someone to acknowledge and listen and validate. As an adult, you can give the much needed attention to your own inner child.

Sleep and dreams serve a purpose. We need all of it, the deep sleep and the dreams states, to keep ourselves sane. When we rest, the brain is tended to, and everything that we have been thinking of or have experienced will go through inspection. Mostly new stuff, sometimes old. Even the things we don’t want to think about, and sometimes especially the things we don’t want to think about. I have occasionally these dreams where all the rage I’ve been bottling up as a child and teenager will come out in the most aggressive ways. At first they scared me, but now I look at them as something that keeps me sane. Sure, it takes a while to calm down afterwards, but it’s also good to put the dream into perspective and not necessarily seek any bigger meaning in it.

I hope you will find a way to face the emotional turmoil.