Hi Sultana,

Let’s take a look at this. You have done 100% of the compromising and it’s worn you out and undermined your financial stability. This guy (and his kid) are on the gravy train because you are really a nice & generous person.

I’m really sorry that things went seriously south for him with his job and career; clearly he was wounded by that sequence of events and lost his momentum. BUT, this is not about him, it’s about you.

If you still think it can work out after this much damage, may I suggest that you lay down some ground rules and boundaries, especially for the kid who is in your precious home (17 and smoking/drinking??!). First and foremost, put a deadline on the financial bleeding. Give the man two weeks to get real about money. Lay it out in black and white for him. Draw up a budget and stick to it especially if you want to stay with him. Second, tell the father that it is not acceptable for his child to be running roughshod over your lifestyle under your roof!

Most importantly, you need to keep your money for yourself and your lifestyle (farm, pets). You have a future to plan for and must provide and plan for yourself. No one else is going to do that for you, not him at any rate, he loves to dine out but that is not going to pay the mortgage. He may be over “luxury” items and want a simpler life, sure, you are the one keeping a roof over his head. No disrespect, but he is sounding a wee bit deluded about reality.

The good news: Every couple must negotiate these financial matters. Love is great, but it doesn’t pay the bills.

Lay down the law before you lose your mind, your love for him and your chosen lifestyle. Did he help you originally by the farm and animals? If so, it’s a bit more complicated because you are/were dependent on him to manifest your dream to begin with. If that’s the case, you may have to downsize here and there, but you can build back up later. Better to do what you have to do and not go under than to lose the whole place.

Good luck, please write and let us know how it turns out.