Hi Trevor,

The posting goes back about six weeks on the topic of how a girl can help her guy.

I have certainly had a couple rough landings or take offs in relationships. The more you depend on a relationship the more it adversely affects you when it ends. Because you did not share about your breakup, I’m wondering if you were shattered then, like most people, and you are still stuck in the jet wash. Are you? Possible Rx: watch some tear jerker movies. Think back to that relationship. Let your emotions flow. Finish the grieving process. Then, eventually, you will open back up again.

Another way to get comfortable with expressing emotions is to get into a fan sport. Ideally, go to a live event and sit up close. In lieu of that, attend a local bar. Smack some high fives when someone hits a game-winning home run. If this feels awkward, force yourself as an experiment. Try three plus games. Note: I never used to hug.

Ok what’s all this mystery with women? Inky posted recently a book recommendation, look through her recent posts. It’s about romance and other stuff. Read it. While looking for the book title, notice her posts and appreciate her thinking. And other posts of women – Jasmine – to understand their perspectives. This site is unique with these open insights.

“Girls always act entitled and reluctant and I always have to chase them”
Possible Rx: be confident and strong, have a sense of humor, open doors for everyone, practice good hygiene … and some women might just approach you.
Possible RX: do the same as above and add “Hi” to the beginning. Next time you see her say “hi” again and chat. Don’t say “anhedonic.”

“If I try to chase a girl it will seem needy or awkward and they won’t like it”
Possible Rx: don’t feel needy. This means getting “no thanks” when you suggest coffee is ok and won’t ruin your day. Go about your business because you have things to do, but be open to the people around you.
Possible Rx: fail at this several times. Learn from the interactions.
Possible Rx: romance. Ibid inky’s book.

“Girls won’t regard my sexual nature and will think I’m creepy or something and won’t like it”
Possible Rx: if you think you are creepy, then upgrade your software to a non-creepy version. We are biologically designed for intimacy, so if you don’t feel right, then download some fixes.
Possible Rx: watch the movies One Fine Day (1996). See how the Clooney character is. Oh and see how the Pfeiffer character is.

“A girl won’t ever really understand me”.
Possible Rx: seek to understand to be understood. Listen two times the amount you speak. Ask questions because you are genuinely interested, and if you are not, then go with it until you are.

Most important and this gets back to my opening question about your breakup, Trevor you need to love yourself. And like yourself. The warts along with the big words and all your pluses. Make a list of all your cool characteristics. Do things to build your self esteem. Maybe something disruptive. What would be a disruptive self esteem builder? CrossFit is one example. Try CrossFit or something for three months. Boxing lessons. Something physical, mental and emotional. Spiritual? This will help you with you mojo as Jasmine said.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.