Hi tulips8,

Having been in a relationship with someone who was no doubt in the cluster b personality type area, I know that this person is charming on the outside, cons you in, then starts the manipulative abuse, and others won’t believe what he is really doing. As The Ruminant said, they are dashing – they tend to be outwardly attractive and popular because they hate themselves and need to appear like Barbie, or Ken. Also, confronting them does not work; you are trying to resolve something that probably cannot be resolved. There are therapies, but the person resists. In my case I was able to put distance between us. This was relatively easy. I avoid places and mutual friends.

In your case, that is proving difficult. I suggest both plans that Inky offered. 1) get away, and 2) document the abuse and take steps toward a restraining order. If you are successful in getting away, great. If not, follow up on the restraining order or what ever makes sense. Talk with a lawyer who has experience here. For example, what if a police car pulls into his driveway every time he leaves a note, would this embarrass him by challenging his delusional world? So he would not repeat the action?

Take care of yourself. By the way if your therapist is not trained and experienced for this situation, consider finding one who is. Over time learn why you are open to this type of relationship – I’m working on this myself.

Big blue

• This reply was modified 10 years, 6 months ago by Big blue.