Hi, @chicken636. First of all, and no offence because I’m coming somewhat from his side of things, you need to respect him enough to let him move on. You can’t have your cake and eat it too, so to speak. You might be legitimately upset about what’s happened and I find that in and of itself honourable but you can’t remove him from the category you’ve both defined together and then be shocked he’s not fine with being revised under a completely different one. He obviously wanted to continue that relationship in the personal, romantic way it had been established and advanced (over a year) whereas you came to the conclusion that it just didn’t work for you anymore. There is nothing wrong with that and, in fact, you did the right thing by approaching the situation maturely and making him aware of it; there is nothing worse than getting strung along because of someone’s reluctance to be open and honest about where they’re at. In the short-term you want him to know how bad you feel and just how sorry you are but apologising is only going to make you feel better, in a way it’s actually quite selfish. In the long-term, however, letting him go and not pursuing this any further is going to be more beneficial for both of you, especially him. In the future you might be able to talk again and have the friendship you want now but that can only happen once he is absolutely, utterly free from the hurt the relationship has caused him. I speak from my most recent relationship where my ex led me on for a period of time before just suddenly deleting me from her life… and she dumped me! That’s where the difference comes in and that’s why I think it can be different for you two, but you need to trust this decision to be friends with him enough to allow him the time to go away and heal.

In all honesty, @butterflynurse78 is typically right. If you were older, perhaps you could continue the relationship as a friendship until you were both a little more confident in its finality. I don’t know, I’m just going off what you’ve provided here. In all cases, I’ve championed the ‘dumpee’ over the ‘dumper’, so I have little time and little experience for trying to comprehend why someone would feel sad when they are initiating a breakup. Sorry if this advice is too subjective for you. I hope you can sort your feelings out and communicate these with him when appropriate.

X