Jason,

I’m basing my own view of how things work on my personal experience. Having read plenty of similar experiences, I feel confident enough to share the view in hopes that it might help see things more clearly. I am not, however, making claims that I have access to some ultimate truth 🙂 I use poetic language to describe the experiences, because there is no other way to explain it. It is impossible to be literal or very practical with things that are so abstract.

According to my experience, it is unconditional love that fills the void within and makes it possible to not be so dependent on external things and beings. A lot of people say that they feel unconditional love towards their children, but I think that’s different. There is a condition there, which is the familial connection. It is familial love (“I love you despite what you do, because you are part of my tribe”). In my own experience, what unconditional love feels like, is this radiant warmth towards the self and it fills you up so that the rest just radiates to your surroundings. Because you feel filled with love, you feel love, you are love. All of a sudden it’s easier to face others without judgment or fear. There is no need to cling onto someone else to provide the warmth, because you’re already filled with it. But in order to accept that such love would enter your heart, you have to accept yourself. Unless you love yourself unconditionally, you can’t have such love. The good thing is that it is you who gets to decide.

It all sounds great and easy, but it’s not. We have secrets, guilt, fear, shame, that we simply do not want to face and accept. Some we can be aware of, others can be accessed through meditation. Years of accumulated fears and sorrows and shame that were left undealt with, because dealing with them was too difficult. Perhaps we haven’t received love or attention, and grown to believe that it was not for us, so we automatically reject love. It’s then easier to deny, look away, create illusions and move on. But if you don’t accept all of you and accept that you are worthy of love, then the love can’t enter and isn’t unconditional. It has conditions. It is like filling only parts of your being with light, but wishing to keep other parts in the dark. Those dark spots are then the ones that we try to fill with other things, other people, possessions. Sometimes even thinking of other people as possessions or the extension of the self.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having possessions and striving for achievements and having strong connections with other people. It is more about the intention. If the self-worth is tied to these things, then not only are you ever going to be free, the other people can’t be free either. “I need you, because without you I feel empty”. It places too much expectations on the other, and starts to destroy the connection. However, one could also feel completely content and happy, filled with light and love, and the connections are like a cherry on top of already wonderful existence. Those connections feel joyous, instead of necessary. “I’m so happy that I get to share my life with you”.

I have no view of the meaning of life, so I can’t respond to such inquiry. I have stopped troubling myself with such questions. I’ll do the best that I can with what I’ve got and try to nurture life, love and light. It seems like the healthy thing to do. Basically, I am here now, for what ever reason, and I have the choice of spending that time living in denial and in darkness, emptiness, or I can face the fears and live in light and love and have a joyous existence. That is the simplest way of looking at it, from my perspective. Occam’s Razor approach 🙂

Oh, and how does all of this work with mindfulness? I think that mindfulness is a tool to keep the mind from getting out of control and starting to get entangled again, creating new fears or holding onto old ones. The heart is probably ready to receive abundance of love, but the mind doesn’t always agree 🙂 So you’ll need to have tools to keep the mind in check and connected with the heart. At least that is how I see it.

I have experienced pretty much both ends of the spectrum and have come to realize that whilst I’m not a walking bundle of love and compassion 24/7, living authentically is such a rush compared to trying to be something that you’re not. Essentially, accepting yourself as you are without judgment, and accepting the reality as it is. There are less regrets and fears, which were mostly just illusion as well. No need to make it more complicated than it is. If you like something, enjoy it. If you don’t like something, don’t pretend that you do.

Regarding Vipassana, if someone is interested in it, there are couple of interesting documentaries on YouTube:

One is Doing Time, Doing Vipassana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkxSyv5R1sg I think it’s a very fascinating one and have watched it a few times. It has an interesting point about how these people lived in a jail with hellish conditions, yet still admitted that sitting alone with your thoughts was more difficult.

Another is a documentary called The Dhamma Brothers, preceded by an interview of Thich Nhat Hanh about mindful living: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PCXeHNL3s8

I hope that was all more clarifying than confusing 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by The Ruminant.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by The Ruminant.