Little Buddha,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can understand the big impact we seem to have sometimes. Look at all the harm you did to your girlfriend because of your unskillful behaviors… and golly, who are you, anyway? What’s your place in the universe? Don’t despair, dear friend, because it all knits together along the way. Said differently, these questions you’re asking drive bodhicitta, or the emotional yearning for freedom from our suffering, and helps produce the fertility we need to actually grow. Its true that your actions have consequences, and being ignorant of your balance with nature leaves you vulnerable to a whole mess of painful feelings. Other than that, its no big deal. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

The nut of your issue may be that you think the answer, the joy, is somewhere “out there”. As though some “right way of being” or “right menu order” or “right Little Buddha” would give you satisfaction, peace. But, not having had much success with that, there’s no confidence that any given path you choose will make you happy. So, order a dinner and “shit, will that make me happy.” Nope, it didn’t, and next time you order, even less hope that you’re choosing correctly.

To bounce out of this, stop trying to grab outward for happiness, learn to grow it internally. Learn to sit, make a little tender space, and let your light grow. This is done through self nurturing, or being kind to ourselves. Relaxing, accepting where we are in time and space, and just breathing. Consider “Bhante Gunaratana guided metta meditation” on YouTube for a great exercise, if interested. Once a day for a few weeks should see a grand improvement, if listening close.

Next, consider that self acceptance is really helpful as we try to learn how to dance. You’re a fuckup, no doubt about it, but that’s just fine, normal. Buddha noticed how we have a fundamental ignorance on how to find balance, skillfulness, and it can be tricky. Lots of emotions, desires, needs, views… mash together and we have no clue what to do, act selfishly, growly, whatever. Normal, usual, unavoidable… skinned knees of otherwise loving beings.

Consider, if you didn’t love a lot, it wouldn’t be scary, wouldn’t matter. You have heart, with clouds of fear/judgment, so its painful. Learn to let go of the skinned knees, and walking, deciding, becomes less scary. Again, just sitting, breathing, accepting does most of the work, its not really in the menu choices. Inky was spot on, the sandwich or salad shouldn’t be that scary. Its food. You’re an eternal being, on a journey in a body that will eat thousands of times. Yes, be mindful as you eat, but each meal is small, empty of meaning, nothing to fear. Too much grease, upset stomach, too much noise, upset mind. Its not like Little Buddha is stained, bad, or harmful. Just learning to walk, run, play. Wanting to be kind, falling into habits. Another normal human being.

Finally, we don’t cause other peoples emotions or thoughts. As unskillful as you were, what she did with your actions is her business, her karma. Its from kindness that we wish to feel guilt for their suffering, but for instance, she could have just seen an unskillful friend floundering, and never made it about her. Kids do this often “mom, dad, if you don’t give me cookies, I won’t love you” and we smile and ask her to finish her veggies. Its not about us, she just wants a cookie, lashing, grasping. Forgive, move on. Consider a healing mantra: “I forgive myself for any decisions, responses, or reactions that lead to suffering. I forgive her for any decisions, responses, or reactions that lead to suffering. May we learn the lessons and be free from affliction.”

Namaste, friend, may you find the tender humility needed to grow wisdom. Then, peace.

With warmth,
Matt