Hey tiny butterfly – I’m glad I stumbled on your post because I can sure relate! I’m sorry to hear what your going through and I wish you much strength. It’s easy to let others affect how you feel and act especially when you love that person. It’s a good start that you are realizing what you’ve done and how you feel though, cause from there you can work on yourself little by little. I know how it is to be so angry and become provoked to hit the person you love.. its all the bottled up anger as you know. I’ve done this myself unfortunately. At this point, its been done. You’ve apologized I’m sure to him so let it be. Just know that it was wrong and you will not resort to that again. We all make mistakes, its the not realizing and willingness to change that is wrong. Do yourself a favor and let the heavy guilt go. I know the pain of a breakups as I was depressed for many years after an 8 year relationship and what I have learned is to be kinda and gentle with myself as much as you can and feel whatever emotion you need to go through – try not to resist it. I come to realize that the pain and arguments are due to my urge to control what I want and foresee things to be when we can’t think that way. We cannot control others. They will be how they will be and the only control we have is over ourselves. Make this your priority right now. Do things that make you feel happy and full filled. If you need day of crying and listening to sad music then do it but do wallow in it. We come into this life by ourselves and we will leave by ourselves. These people and experiences come and go and we have one life to chose to let it affect us or jsut go with it and trust life itself. Its hard, but I am constantly working on my mind, thought patterns and living in the present as best I can. Its quite freeing when you surrender actually. Do you meditate? Mediation has helped me so much I can’t even tell you. Sending love and strength your way! xoxo