Menu

Jane

Forum Replies Created

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #112771
    Jane
    Participant

    I’m so sorry to hear your troubles but it sounds like your heart and head are in the right space now and the most important thing is to work on you. It sounds like a strong man and great father, one should be so lucky. I wish you strength and much happiness where ever your situation takes you.

    -Jane

    #106820
    Jane
    Participant

    Hey M- Him calling you crazy is a way out for him and his behavior and his way of turning the tables on you to make you feel guilty or the bad guy! And you lashing out is probably built up anger and resentment only due to his arrogance. Such a vicious cycle. Have you two seek counseling?

    Our argument wasnt compliment based. He blow up on me for “nagging”. It was something that he did that I felt could have been more efficient so I called him out on it and because he rarely admits hes wrong, I keep going on with it wanting him just to admit he was wrong. Perhaps that was a little overboard on my end but I now realise that its because of ways that I have such anger towards him. Im really an easy going person and I try to be patient but in time that wears thin. I’ve come to learn that I either have to learn how to better communicate with him, accept that he is the way he is so I have to learn how to handle my reaction or just accept that our energies are suited for each other and to move on.

    #106774
    Jane
    Participant

    At least you get compliments, I seldom do which makes me feel like complete crap. Since you mentioned that you know his family pretty well and its in their traits then its something he cannot or will be hard to change and only he can do that. Do you feel he can or has he said he said he is willing to work on it? Also, may I ask you if your arguments blow so out of context that you discuss splitting up? Recently my my partner and I had a argument where he said he wanted to breakup, we ended up hashing it out and decided to remain together but now things are sensitive leaving me wondering what I should do. Just wondering if this causes arguments to this degree. Thanks for listening to me too!

    #106763
    Jane
    Participant

    Hey M – you just wrote the same thing Ive been meaning to ask advice on! I wish I had more of an outsiders response but unfortunately, my bf is a bit like yours! I guess I can ask, overall does he make you feel loved, appreciated and compliments? And what does he say when you point these things out to him? From my standpoint, my partner doenst state how good looking he is but rather, how his ways is ALWAYS the right and the best way. Most time it feels as though Im always the one to compromise and it gets draining. Is this how you feel as well?

    #106756
    Jane
    Participant

    Hey NSC33 – I’m so sorry for all that you are going through. From what Ive gathered, you sound like a very strong and loving woman so please keep your head up and know this. I feel that your ex felt trapped and wanted to be free to see what else is out there therefor was feeling “distressed” and was justifying it by saying that you are too calm etc, just my opinion. Anyway, I’m happy to see that he came around but to tell you about the dating he did during that time and to now disappear on you again concerns me. I’m sure dating was the last thing on your mind yet he was able to get back out there? I dont know, that would bother me immensely. Be careful and gentle with yourself and most of all cautious. I would hate the wound to be freshly opened again after all this time of you making progress moving on. You do not deserve all this heartbreak therefor you have the right to do things on your time, not his. I really feel for you and send you much strength <3 Know you have support here.

    -j

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by Jane.
    #97024
    Jane
    Participant

    Hi Anita, I am good to myself or as best as I can be. Yes, I self talk, mediate, get massages etc. I’ve noticed it comes on when I have the good memories or when I think about him moving on to with someone else. The anxiety is so uneasy I want to jump out my skin. I like how you said, “be loving like a mother to yourself” I will remember that when it comes on next time. Thats good. Thank you for caring so much on here, I see all your posts and they are so supportive <3

    #96977
    Jane
    Participant

    Thank you M – I try to remind myself of that constantly. Let go to make space. I have been disappointed over and over with the men in my life its hard to stay positive sometimes.

    Anita – I hear you. That is what I made clear to him when we first dated and he was kinda iffy about it then and now I guess I really scared him away. Im not bashing myself, I know its my truth and what I want in life, its just the moving on part and truly accepting thats got me twisted right now. I have off/on anxiety attacks.

    #96976
    Jane
    Participant

    Dear Skyylar – my heart goes out to it really does. I’m glad you found this site, there are many wonderful people to help you on here, its quite a blessing. But I understand what your going through. Nothing feels good about rejection, but know that this time WILL pass. Emotions and events forever change like waves. You will see better days I promise you! Have you communicated this to your roommates btw? Perhaps the just dont know how you feel. In the meantime though, maybe you can look up meetup groups that share similar interests with you, thats a good way to find new friends. I am like you, I am somewhat quiet but we have to kinda force ourselves to get out there to increase our chances of meeting new people : ) I made a long time friend just from posting on this site! We have been friends for 4 yrs now. See, who wouldve known? As for the doctor, I’d say hold off for now. Maybe try to exercise or get out in nature to get that serotonin and of course come on here when your down. Sending you hugs..

    -j

    #96972
    Jane
    Participant

    Beautiful! That flowed so nicely. Thanks for that.

    #96959
    Jane
    Participant

    Hey Ashley – Im so sorry to hear what you’ve endured. Things will work themselves out especially for a good man and father like yourself. She was LUCKY to have you! I don’t have children so I cant give much advice on legal stuff but looks like your priorities are straight. Boy, she is a piece of work its scary. I wish I could understand why we are with the people we are with when one person is the giver while the other is the taker. Like you, Im too soft and nice for my own good and I’ve suffered. These people are lessons for us to learn from. I send you strength and support for your sons.

    -Jane

    #96928
    Jane
    Participant

    Dear Anita, you are so right. His is anger is triggered by past relationships and it reared its ugly head at me. I just felt at fault for bringing it up but in all honestly I never intended this to happen and wish I can turn back time. But whats done is whats meant to be seen. I don’t think we will be back together again though after what hes said today. So I felt the need to contact him this morning and I did. And Inky, pls dont judge! I was really regretting it after reading your post lol. Anyway, I just said that I wanted to talk and that if he doesnt feel that we are worth continuing on then to tell me. His response was: “its not that its not worth continuing on – just know that we want different things later on”.

    That really hit deep as he knows that ive been quite expressive about wanting to be married / family but not necessarily pressure on him, just a dream I have and he has said long ago that hes not sure if he wants that. Im 36 years old and I would like to get there one day. I feel so silly for staying with someone thats not in the least open minded but I did because he made me happy and I thought we can live in the moment and who knows, people change their minds. I haven’t replied to him since that message. I don’t know if I should say or just leave it be. I really don’t have anything to say if thats how it will be. I feel so numb.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by Jane.
    #96893
    Jane
    Participant

    Im so sorry, I know the feeling. Every cell in your body aches. Emotions will fluctuate like waves. You are strong though its just seeing him just set you back a little bit but you will get back to center. You did NOT make a mistake. He doesn’t sound like a nice person and I think you still are making the right decision. Hard as it is. Im going through the same thing at the moment so your not alone if that helps. Be strong and know your value.

    #96877
    Jane
    Participant

    Wow ElleTinker700, that is quite the story, thanks for sharing. I wish I had the calmness as you do. I am calm but not that calm lol. You sound like a strong woman and I envy that. You clearly know your self worth and that is amazing. I am trying to work on self love / worth all the time. Even with all that shes done you graciously acted like the adult while she looked the like fool. Definitely something to be learned. You’ve given me something to think about it.. thank you

    #96841
    Jane
    Participant

    Oh! haha I misunderstood. No, hes never called me such names before this incident. In our past arguments, Ive seen him angry but not like this time. So, it was something I brought up from a conversation we had awhile ago. He offered to help me purchase something and I brought it up in my jealousy because his business partner had bought a ring for his gf. I know it sounds childish but it was out of my own insecurities/jealousy. I see that now. He felt attacked and thought I was trying to manipulate him etc. I had never nor shown this kind of behavior throughout our relationship, if anything I’ve been helpful and fair to him. He said Im like all the other girls, always “wanting something” and that Im baggage he needs to get rid of. So many hurtful things he said to me. I dont understand the hatred he has towards me. I know I have been the most loving towards him because I am always that way when im in a relationship. Maybe that my weakness, my fault. I go back and forth in my mind if I’m the bad guy and how I look now in his eyes. Its got me so anxious I dont know how to handle it. Of course I didnt want this to cause our relationship to end. How can he just cut me out over an argument as such? As much as I care how I hurt him he seems to no be worried how I feel.

    Kindle, thanks for the words. I know, relationships start with respect which is what we had until this blow up. I mean of course it hasnt been perfect but this is an eye opener. Its a hard pill to swallow to accept when you two are just not meant to be. I’m trying to work on my emotions right now and accept yet I wonder too what hes thinking and what will happen. I just cant help it.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by Jane.
    #96837
    Jane
    Participant

    Hi Anita – I never called him any names, I just came across a bit bitchy perhaps, but once he changed his tone I really stepped back and tried to pull myself outta the hole. He called me a stupid B and stopped the car and opened the door for me to get out. For a split second, I was going to but then it was downtown LA close to the skid row. It was during the day so nothing wouldve happened but still, the audacity of him even doing that has left me hurt. I still reply it in my mind all the time. He apologized for his actions but still Im hurt and he’s hurt. I dont know where we stand now.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 43 total)