My son always looked like a little man and never a baby – he wasn’t chubby… and he was walking crawling so early – walking at 8 months old! He looked like a freak walking through the grocery store with no understanding of the world – he’d walk off a cliff of stairs because he had no concept of anything – just walking around like a little man with no brains LOL. People would stop and stare – one lady took a picture – he was so tiny to begin with and so tiny walking – okay – you get my point.

He is still very mature for his age – I have read about the travels of a soul. I am guessing he is an old soul – the spiritual teaching I acquired now in my middle age, seems to be meant for him to start out this way. Sometimes – he astounds me at his integrity, his values – his self love and his wisdom that rocks my world. Yes they are things that I have taught him – but he lives them stoically and quietly – with humility beyond my comprehension.

He also has fits of rage like a 7 yr old only can – and to some degree, I see he is already experiencing the pains that can come with living and being able to see our suffering dysfunction world/humanity. Still – they are short lived – and necessary I believe to releasing emotion. I am able to stand by him in acceptance for all that he is and offers – and he is grateful and understanding too.

Sometimes when I write this out – I feel like it can’t possibly be real = it’s like a movie to me or something. Maybe it is the ACA in me waiting for the other shoe to drop or things to fall apart. But he offers constancy and we are kindred spirits. My daughter listens and watches and takes it all in. Some day I think she will surprise me. She is her fathers daughter – and he is innately spiritual… though he doesn’t quite know how to say that *yet*. I look forward to the day he will discover his true self wholly – but I feel satisfied believing in it though I may never get to see it in this life.

I feel for you with the wanting – I am attuned to what I am ‘being’, and the loving heart you have wants to break free and penetrate through the existing barriers so badly. The better actions you take will bring you relief for the better thinking your soul craves. Balance awaits dear friend.