Hello Jane!

Something struck me in your post, and it kind of connected with some of your other posts here, so I hope you don’t mind a bit of analysis first 🙂

You’re saying “life hasn’t presented that to me”, as if you are patiently waiting for your dream to come true. This kind of correlates with waiting for your partner to notice what he should be doing, and not expressing your own needs. It is as if you are passive and powerless in your own life. That is a choice though, because if you have some control over something, it’s you and your actions.

I’m not trying to criticise you, but rather want to point out that perhaps the answer is so near to you that you can’t really see it yourself. Also, I am speaking as someone who used to have huge problems expressing needs out of fear of sounding needy and who somehow sabotaged her own dreams and goals because didn’t feel like they were deserved. I kind of also waited for something big to happen whilst reacting passively to the events in my life.

I don’t know what your dream is or why it would be too late to achieve it. Sure, some specific dreams do have an expiration date. But one specific thing shouldn’t be the source of all your happiness and focusing on what you can’t have would neatly justify not working towards taking responsibility over your own happiness.

You do need to be active and take action towards your goals. There are people who have worked towards their dreams their whole lives, relentlessly and not waiting for someone to hand it to them. I am not one of those people, but I admire those who are 🙂 I do believe though that if I really, truly wanted something, it would be down to me to make it happen, and if I’m not willing to work on it, then I’m not allowed to blame the circumstances.

Quite honestly, I’m not sure if letting go of dreams would leave you at peace if you haven’t really tried to achieve them. If you really try and fail, then at least you have tried. No regrets. The bitterness and regrets lie in the passiveness and feeling like you aren’t in control of your own life.

…and I’m sorry that I’m having a bit of a “tough love” approach in my responses to you, but there is a reason to it. I have been passive and had all kinds of elaborate defences built around me, and then felt bad and looked for the answer outside of myself and in other people. So, I feel like I want to shake you up a bit and say “no, look, it’s you, it’s you!” 🙂 Take your power back! Freely express your needs and desires and take action and do things that make you feel happy. It might feel weird at first, but the more you do it, the more confident you’ll feel, and the easier it becomes!

• This reply was modified 10 years, 5 months ago by The Ruminant.