@ Susan: Dear Susan, please know that you are not alone in your pain. Everyone posting on this thread experienced/experiencing the same thing. I know how dark it feels. For me, I missed him like crazy, all the plans of marriage, even naming our kids, all, have gone to pieces. The scariest thing have come to me, living or leading my future life with ruined plans, and even worse, without him by my side. I don’t know much about your story and how long your break up happened, but if you think you still did not try all things, then try it all. Some people say that when your lover wants to end a relationship, the best thing is to let that person go as trying is useless and will only make you feel bad later. But I don’t think so. Just try everything, and after all, if it doesn’t work, then at least you have nothing to regret about it. It’s also the slap of reality that we need to pick ourselves up and give up on false hope. I personally think that we as human are living lives in different lines, it’s great that our lines and our exes’ crossed at some point, but once that crossing passes, we have to move on with our lines. When the pain is still fresh, I thought to myself that okay, he has already moved on, so if I ever want us to get back together, I has to move on too. He’s no longer standing at the crossing point, and if I keep lingering there, I will achieve nothing but sadness. Say to yourself that you have to move on, and maybe, who knows, at some points in the future, your paths will cross again. For now, even though the false hope of getting back is still there, I felt better by doing some things:
1) No contact. Remove the person from your life, as much as possible
2) Keep myself busy so I don’t have time to think unnecessary things
3) Make plans without my ex in it, such as attending a class, joining some clubs and associations, making more friends, travelling
4) Make a list of healing activities and do it one by one (I’m still researching about it and will post it here when I’m done with my list)
5) Share your pain. Like here, in Tiny Buddha. It helped a great load knowing that there are many others suffering from the same pain
The last few words, I know how impossibly hard it is to surrender, but you do not have to do it abruptly, it doesn’t work like an On/Off switch. Just do not think about it right now and do things instead to distract yourself from it. Let me know if it helps. If it doesn’t, we can look onto other things to try! 😀