Jay, I understand where you’re coming from but because of other circumstances-although it’s the same feelings! I’ve been a mom and married my whole adult life- so everything about myself has been negotiated and compromised over time- there’s plenty of times I catch glimpses of who I am and who I want to be but ultimately my “responsibilities and obligations” draw me back to this place where I don’t feel allowed to think about what I want from life. I finally decided after nearly two decades of teaching that I really don’t want to be a teacher but I have to work, and I truly feel like if I keep trying to teach I’m going to lose all of myself- not just because of the job but from continually allowing others to influence what I do with my life- not listening to my soul, not being who I want to be. So, who is this person we want to be? Who does he look like? What are you attracted to? Does anything bring you joy? Can you do more of that? Not temporary pleasure like eating a Snickers or looking at funny animals on the internet- what really makes you feel like you? I love to be outdoors, I garden, I write, I create, sew, paint, I like helping people. I know this- does that make it more likely I will do what is good for me? no- when we get down, when we’re lost, somehow we are less likely to do what we know would be the best thing for us- like go for a jog, or eat a salad, or phone a friend. Take time to think about what you want your life to look like- dream big- write down action steps to get there- and start doing something every day to put yourself out there and accomplish some tiny feat toward being who you want to be. Your life as you want will follow. My best friend is a 50-something year old gay guy who is always lonely and longs for my domestic “bliss” and I keep telling him I wish I was on my own doing whatever the hell I wanted to do. The grass is never greener anywhere else but under your own feet. You take care of you and the rest will come. I’ve been married a bazillion years and have three nearly grown kids and a shaky marriage- but until I get my crap straight no relationships really work right- and you can do it one step at a time. Think a bit and then DO something!