Hi Irene,

You kind of answered yourself the question why it is a game of self-pity in the next paragraph 🙂 Deep down, and rationally thinking, you know that you have good features. More than just two. So to ask for those things is to ask for validation and attention to the idea that you wouldn’t have any, and that’s not something people really like to do. And rightly so.

Look at this for examples of what I’m talking about: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loaded_question

Regardless of how the other person answers your question, they know that they are stepping into something that’s difficult to get out of and that’s why people don’t want to step into it in the first place.

You need to get out of that place as well and into living your life. Yes, life is painful as well, but it’s not that bad when you’re not stuck in the misery for a prolonged period. Getting unstuck is really your choice. That is both good news and bad news. The good news is that you have all the power in the world to get out of it, and you don’t have to rely on other people to pull you out. The bad news is that it’s hard work and requires a lot of humility when honestly facing your own part in everything. It is much easier to take the route of “oh poor unloveable me” than to stand up and say “yes, I’ve made mistakes as well”.

Your mind is just clouded at the moment, and you can’t see that you are actually loved ad infinitum. You’ve invested in believing that you’re not, but you’ll need to cut your losses and change the route!