I am so truly sorry to hear this, Matt. It is certainly devastating to, after 15 years, discover your wife’s skeletons in the closet. And even more so, her not being honest and open about it. What’s a marriage if you can’t trust your significant other? What’s a marriage if there is no honest communication between the two? Your wife has made it clear that she wants to test the waters of a polygamous relationship, but how were you to know? When you wed a woman or man, you usually don’t have intentions of finding another partner to share your marriage with. It is typically kept monogamous, unless of course the both of you discuss that you wish to live a polygamous lifestyle. But even then that is something that is decided WAY before you tie the knot.

I know you shared your life with this woman for a long time, but my personal opinion and something I think would be best for you is to file divorce. She is not taking into consideration how you feel on the matter. She doesn’t seem to show remorse that she’s willing to put another man into the picture, even if you feel uncomfortable with it. Not only would this affect you in many negative ways, this would also have a tremendous affect on your children. They would have to become accustomed to two men in the household now. The fact that she put you in such a bad light and made you seem like an “abusive, hateful, mean husband” shows more of her character, than anything. A wife/husband should never slander their spouse. I would take that into consideration while trying to find a solution to this problem.

You are entitled to have a say in this, and to feel whatever it is that you are feeling. You are a part of this marriage just as much as she is and you also have the choice to end it or not. You’re human with raw emotions, and you deserve to be loved fairly. I have old-fashioned beliefs and truly do not find polygamous relationships worth-while, but I don’t judge those who live that way. You seem like a man who feels the same way I do, so if your wife can’t give you a monogamous relationship (like you expected right from the beginning), find the strength and courage to find someone else who will (after much needed time of healing and reflection, of course).

At the end of the day, you are in control of your life and happiness. I’m not saying you absolutely have to leave your wife, because if you feel you can find ways to compromise with her and fix this situation, by all means do it! But I want you to be fully aware that your happiness is a priority and should never be taken advantage of by someone else. You will get through this no matter what. And it helps when you have children you love deeply; they get you through the day. Just breathe and remember there are options..this could be the end of something but the beginning of something more beautiful. It all depends on how you look at it.

Much love!