at 28 years old i still argue with my parents sometimes and they still tell me what to do and what they want from me (Asian family, what do you expect?). What my therapist told me is to stop changing my parents, because no amount of logic argumentation will and we all know that “I’m your parents, you owe me” mentality in Asian family.

My mother would hit me when i had bad grades and tell me I’m ugly when i was young, it doesn’t happen anymore but it’s something i still carry to this day. You can imagine how much anger i have, BUT they are always there when i’m at the lowest point of my life. Stop trying to make them see your point of view, because they won’t. If they tell you what to do, listen and consider but the decision is still in your hand. I find that yelling with them is another point that encourage them to think you are still immature. Adopting an assertive way of communication is a better choice. Another trick that my therapist told me, is to understand your role. We have so many roles in life, daughter, friend, sister, etc and our behavior adapt to what roles we are playing at that time. In another word, be a “professional daughter”. Treat it like a job with a set of responsibilities and you will get along better. After all they care for us and paid for almost everything we got (education, clothes, food, etc).

Don’t let your relationship with your parents bring you regret when they are no longer around or when your children treat you the same way. It’s tough when we feel our parents don’t understand us, i still have problems with them even at this age! But let’s take it as a lesson to learn how to deal with difficult person. We might need it someday 🙂 cheer up!