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Reply To: Do I Stay Or Go?

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#63348
Will
Participant

When you say “attack”, you mean a physical attack?

If so calling the police was a completely appropriate thing to do. What he did was serious, and your response was serious, and that’s correct. You don’t fuck about when it comes to domestic violence. Don’t let your family spin your head around on this.

There’s one part of me that wants to say, “he’s an abuser, get out, get out!” but there’s another part that wants to see the other side. Has he been violent before? Does he have anger issues? Was he just so upset and confused by this completely out of the blue separation that he lost his mind? And why was he upset? Is it that he’s heartbroken at the thought of losing you and the kids, or because his nice, easy stable little home life which he didn’t have to put any effort into was suddenly disintegrating? Was he sad at having lost you through his neglect, or angry at losing control?

You mention flowers, candlelight dinners and jewelry. Is that what he gave you, but you just wanted to be told? Or did he in fact give you nothing at all, not even a verbal confirmation that he loved you, despite you asking more than once, and showing him by “being emotional” that this was something you actually cared about?

I believe in second chances. I believe people can change. But I think you should ask yourself some serious questions like these.

And I wish you strength and support and comfort in this difficult time. I hope your course will become clear soon, and then easier and easier as you sail along.