Hi Mimicus,

I isolated myself too for most of my college life and a large part of my uni life. I often tried hard to push myself to just go out anyway even though I didn’t want to when I was at uni, and to tell you the truth I’m not sure it really helped all that much.

Things have only really started to turn around for me in the last few years after leaving uni when I committed myself to getting to the bottom of inner stuff like this so this is all I can recommend really having come from a similar place to where you are at perhaps. Keep searching for answers, for the truth, for freedom. Find what feels like your inner path in life and follow it. For me life keeps getting richer the more I do this.

All you need to know is this: as within so without.

Getting the within stuff good takes time and effort but honestly it is as simple (not easy though) as that. There’s no need to confuse yourself trying to workout asnswers to questions and coming up with justifications for: why am I like this? Do I need to change? How can I make this better? Do it if you want but all the knowledge in the world isn’t really gonna help.

This also doesn’t mean you have to change yourself so you are more beautiful inside, it’s already there, I know that sort of thing’s really annoying to hear, but it’s true, you just need to unearth it from all the mountains of soil you’ve dumped on top (years of analysis, too much thinking, theorising, etc, etc). The unearthing takes time, effort and patience. But what I can say is that I’m starting to see that once you get to a certain point life can become effortless, you can enjoy life a whole lot more, find inner fulfillment like you’ve never experienced. I’ve only had glimpses of this, but even the glimpses have been worth the effort compared to the futility with which so many people are living life. I would say the biggest barrier to reaching this is thinking, too much mind. The main practical thing I can recommend that can help here is meditation and something life yoga/martial arts that are great for getting you out of your mind. As it says in the book The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, The mind is a wonderful servant but a terrible enslaver, and most people are enslaved by their minds. This website is also a great starting point. One word of caution: just don’t get caught up in the self-help trap of thinking you need to improve yourself which often just causes even more frustration and bad feelings. I’ve found that when I’m able to be in that mindful place that meditation practice allows you to be, or being centered as martial arts can train, that you naturally know the right way to act, that you can act against bad habits quite easily, in other words it’s almost no effort. Most people have grown up to believe that life is a struggle, the more I read what more enlightened people say the more I get the message that actually it doesn’t, the paradox is it takes considerable effort and steely determination to return to that natural state, but it is possible I believe.

you’ve made a start, now just keep going, no mattter what, you’ll drop the torch sometimes, but just pick it up again at some point and you’ll be amazed at what starts to happen, be a little patient though. Good luck!

Ben.