Mimicus,

Have you tried to make friends? If you want a sandwich, you go and make a sandwich, right? What’s stopping you?

As far as being the worst person on the planet… why do you ask that? What have you done?

With warmth,
Matt

Hi Mimicus,
As a fellow introvert and a sufferer of social anxiety, I can completely empathise with you! I identify your issue as extremely important for your own happiness, identity and complete being, therefore definitely not “petty”.
I congratulate you for identifying yourself as an introvert, but have you accepted yourself as one? There is absolutely nothing wrong with being introverted (and it doesn’t make you the worst person on the planet!), it just generally means you prefer to have meaningful and deeper conversations rather than the trivial rubbish that extroverts are happy gassing about.
Introverts are typically not shy people, instead they are intimidated by too much stimulation which may be as little as talking to a group of 3 people let alone going to a party where there’s 200+ people.
My suggestion to you would be to start talking to just one other person about the things that interest you. If the person isn’t interested ah well, their loss. Try again. You will find someone with some common ground and the ball will start rolling from there.
How do I find someone to talk to? I hear you ask, well there are two wonderful things about the age we live in now that will help you on your way;

1. You can do research online in the comfort of your home about forthcoming events and start putting together an events diary that suits/interests you of things you plan to attend.
We have social groups here called Meetups where you can add your interests/hobbies to a profile and find like minded people to meet up with. Also citysocializing pop up in cities and towns everywhere. People create events online to go and see a film, catch up for dinner, go shopping etc. Both Meetup and citysocializing are online. If neither of these are near where you are, why not set one up?

2. There’s a lot less stigma attached to going out on your own (I frequently go to the cinema on my own and love it!) and other people are more likely to approach/talk to you if you’re on your own then if you’re with someone else.

You might also find the following book useful;

Introvert Advantage – Marti Olsen Laney

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Introvert-Advantage-Thrive-Extrovert-World/dp/0761123695

Best Wishes

Karen x

Mimicus,

Ah! Well, the good news is you’re not the worst person on the planet. The bad news is you’re being dumb. You’ve never initiated any friendships, and repel other people when they are near you. So… don’t you see the issue here? How exactly would you make any friends with such a strategy?

Consider a different one. Ask people questions about their life. My favorite (used on me at a meditation retreat by an Aussie) was “so, matt, what are you intensely passionate about?” The conversation just blossomed on its own from there.

Now, about the fear and feeling of loneliness… consider that you sound like you feel stuck in a rut. Very normal, and usual. Isolation has a way of turning our attention inward, making us focus on ourselves almost exclusively. Like a thirsty man may think only of their thirst, and not see anything else around them. Of course this inspires hopelessness, because even as you sit and wish to connect, you’re perhaps too far in your own head to see around you.

If you’re fed up with complaining and whining about what you don’t have, perhaps you’re ready to build what you want! Consider giving up on finding friendship “out there”, and grow a sense of friendship inside yourself. Metta meditation does this very simply. As we sit and become peaceful where we are, accepting the puzzle pieces of our life as is, and begin to focus on warm, friendly thoughts, we begin to grow warm, friendly feelings. When we have those feelings, friendships are easy to make, we naturally feel excited about other people’s brilliant lives, and shaking hands becomes a joy, rather than a quest. Said differently, making friends is about having fun alongside others, sharing common interests and hobbies. Its not about grabbing onto a person and saying “oh goodness, I need a friend.” When we spend time growing metta, that thirst goes away, the need for friends to escape the feeling of loneliness goes away. What is left is peace, appreciative joy, and contentment. Consider “Sharon salzberg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

Finally, you’re not broken because you don’t “know it all”. When we’re young, often we are impatient, as though we should automatically know what to do, especially if our parents made us feel bad for our ignorance. Said differently, you’re only 22, so of course you don’t know your butt from a hole in the ground. All normal, usual, and unavoidable. The trick is to accept that, and slowly, over time and trial and error, learn what makes you happy, and how to grow a life you want to live through. Ditch the “I never have, so never will…” bullshit, and try “I never have, so, how do I?” That’s when we can humbly learn, and ever so gently grow our little garden.

With warmth,
Matt

You need to put yourself in a positive state, either fake it or find it genuinely, and find friends based on what your interest are, stay true to yourself and do what you love and the right people will come into your life