Hi Ed. Man, you sound like you are in so much pain. And it’s only been two weeks, so, of course you’re going to be in pain. And I’m sorry that you’re in pain, and I hope that my thoughts about where your pain comes from doesn’t hurt you more but leads you to a path that will help you out of the dark.

The way you’re thinking and talking about this relationship and the break-up betrays an unhelpful attitude, and I believe that that attitude is responsible for a large chunk of your pain.

“I am hurting like I have never hurt before, I don’t want to get better unless better is with her, I don’t want time to heal
unless time will bring her back, I don’t want to get over her unless it would some how reignite her love for me.”

You are holding on to something that is already gone. Clinging to something you cannot have. And it is this clinging that is causing your pain. You haven’t destroyed your future. You haven’t lost the only woman you could ever love. You haven’t ruined everything forever.

I understand, yes, that’s how you feel, and it’s good to be in touch with how you feel, but isn’t there a rational part of you that sees things differently? You were in a relationship, and you were in a bad way, and the relationship ended. That’s all. You were in a relationship and it ended. That happens to the majority of people at some point in their lives, and yes, they usually feel devastated. And then they get on with their lives.

Whatever they taught you in your therapy to help manage your emotions, practice that. Practice like your life depends on it, because it sounds like it might. Practice mindfulness — get on a course or get the Kabat-zinn book or some tapes or whatever you can get that will help. Learn to ease your grip, just a little. Try to see a broader perspective, just slightly. Every step you can take back to see the bigger picture will lift a load of pain off your back.

Believe that time will heal you. Have faith that you, like so many others who had their hearts broken, crushed, pound to dust, can live and love again. I believe in life after love. I have seen it. You will stumble out of this tunnel if you keep walking towards the light. Please keep walking.

May you find ease.