Thank you all so much for your insights and responses. It is sad how I sometimes just wish I could have this sort of feedback from the source of all of this angst and frustration. At the same time I realize I shouldn’t depend on that sort of answer or communication to decide on how I should act upon what is happening to me – it is more than clear that it is time I let go for good. Even so, it is hurtful to see so much indifference coming from a person who I care about so much, it makes me feel very small. When he wants to “chit chat”, make jokes, and talk about his day, I am the one for him and he is always available and interested and 100% in the conversation. When I want to talk about my feelings, what is bothering me, and about this “girl” whom he basically chose over me more than once, then he is busy, he can not speak, he will get back to me (and never does, and afterwards shows up as if I hadn’t said anything at all). It is hard to open up about my feelings and when I do they are completely disregarded. It is clear I should stop insisting on something that isn’t going anywhere and start focusing my energy on myself and on what it is I know I truly deserve.

Anyhow, the process isn’t easy, but I do believe in myself and hope that sooner than later I can clearly see why I have no reason to feel bad about losing someone who doesn’t deserve me around.