Cherrymom,

I’m sorry for your loss. 🙁 Consider reading “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times” by Pema Chodron.

Hang in there, sis. It sounds like you’re in your moon phase, where intuition grows in leaps and bounds, but also the shadows deepen. The more we can relax and self nurture during these emotional times, the less overwhelmed our bodies become. Consider starting a metta meditation practice. As we practice metta, our mind becomes more peaceful, spacious, where we can grab a pen and sort out what’s going on, what needs are being neglected, and especially helps us make the room to grieve shamelessly for our losses, cry it out, and heal tenderly over time. Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested.

Any self nurturing activities can help us unwind, feel more peaceful. What’s going on in your relationship to food? You sound like you’re carrying around a lot of stress, which naturally, usually, decreases our appetite. In such times, it helps to surrender our own intuition into the trust of an expert, such as your doctor. Instead of thinking “I’ll eat when I’m hungry”, or “nothing tastes appealing” for instance, consider approaching eating (per doc’s diet guidance, or nutritionist) as a way of being kind to yourself. A noble, meditative effort that you put forward to show your body its loved. Perhaps this (especially if combined with a metta practice), could quickly help you shift your relationship with food into a better balance, and I bet your body would feel much better. Again, any self nurturing actions you take can help, if the weight thing is for some other reason. More of a guess on my side. 🙂

No matter what the conditions are, you’re not broken, sis, just under the weight of stress, and it can erode, does… the river always overcomes the stone, and as dust, what once troubles us washes back into the sea. You’re on a well tread path, friend. Chin up!

Consider checking around for a grief counselor, someone specializing in helping people through such times. Books and meditations and so forth can help, but if there’s an empathetic and expert ear available, it could help a ton.

With warmth,
Matt