Hi Mermaid, some thoughts:

1. What, ultimately, is your end game, or the ultimate thing you’re looking for? i.e. Marriage.

2. What is the least thing you want to see happen? i.e. Boyfriend sees you every day.

Once you are clear about your At Least and The Most, you can swim in between.

3. Your boyfriend is not powerful enough to start physiological reactions in your body. This is all you. This is much deeper than the boyfriend. This is your spirit talking to you through your body. Find a therapist to talk to.