Thank you, everyone for sharing your wisdom! Some of you made some excellent points (ie. Shawn about my lack of gratitude! Indeed I need to practise it!)

I went on few job interviews but so far I was rejected by everyone. It’s getting harder and harder each time becouse after each failure, my self-esteem is totally ruined. It is very difficult for me to convince myself that I’m not a loser and I should give myself another chance… I hate feeling so inadequate and not good enough 🙁

and there is this girl in the equation… I think that I have feelings for her. Before she left for that student exchange program, we used to be very affectionate towards each other. I’ve never before felt so loved and accepted. With her by my side, I felt like a valuable human being. But now I’m terribly worried that when she comes back from her exchange program (by the end of september) and finds out that I’m unemployed, she will not want to stay with me. I know… it looks like a faulty script in my head which says that “I’m worthy only when I have a job and earn money” but I can’t stop making such stories in my head.

I don’t want her to leave me.

That’s what I’m scared. That she will leave me. Not the fact that I’m unemployed.

The real reson of me being so scared is idea of her leaving me BECOUSE I don’t have a job.

Which equals an ultimate rejection and prove of being unlovable and not good enough.

If I only knew how to find a way out from this labiryth 🙁