Sarah Jane,

I’m sorry for your suffering, and can empathize with the feeling of isolation that sickness can produce. We must be strong! says our mind, “Never surrender!” And yet, we feel crappy, and the world goes on around us, like we harbor a dark secret that makes everything else tasteless. Don’t despair, dear sister, there is always a path to joy. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

Sis, some cancers are in the body, and some are in the mind. The heart of the mind entanglement, seems to me, to be the way you feel ashamed of your sickness. Feeling bad you need help, need comfort and loving attention. Feeling like you “shouldn’t be” what you are, “shouldn’t be in need”, “shouldn’t be a burden”, “shouldn’t make others worry”,”shouldn’t be depressed”. On and on, these false, garbage-y thoughts punch and punch at you, keeping that wall up, that distance between yourself and others.

Surrendering to the help of others, including divine light, isn’t about giving up, throwing in the towel. You can’t do it alone, no one can. Not “you’re not strong enough to do it alone”, but rather “you can’t be disconnected from the the web of love and light around you”. Said differently, you’re never alone, dear sister, and its OK to let go, open up, and surrender to the caring attention of those that love you, and especially to your own tender self care. This isn’t weakness, isn’t a burden. Getting rest when we are tired isn’t running away, its wisely doing what feels best, what feels right.

To me, the sickness and difficulties of our bodies and loved ones brings with it the gift of love and connection, as our hearts are inspired to help and attend. Like a thorn carried by the sick that helps bring everyone’s hearts around us “online”. Its OK to need to be the little spoon, in other words, because it gives a chance for others to mature their “big spoon-iness”, their ability to flow with their own heartlight’s tender grace. When we relax, accept where we really are (As Inky kindly trumpeted) and reach out for help beyond ourselves, we can find our own tenderness and heartlight rekindle, and our energy starts flowing again.

Finally, even when you’re not in the same emotional place as another, you can choose to join them, see what they see. Like out to dinner with a loved one, perhaps you’re feeling crappy and they are smiling. Don’t try to smile so you stop your crappy feeling from disrupting their happiness. Rather, try to breathe, set down the crappy feeling for a moment, and try to see why they are smiling. What is it about what they’re seeing that brings them happiness? Sometimes even a small spark, in such moments, can grow into a lasting happiness.

Namaste, sister, may generous white light find its way to your open heart.

With warmth,
Matt