Hi Chris,

The grief and the sense of emptiness you felt was due to the fact you’ve lost something. You lost her, your health, and the moral freedom to engage in a new relationship as once you used to. That’s a loss, that’s hard to bear. In the attempt to put something in its place, you find her as the culprit and maybe think that revenge may make up for it. Unfortunately nothing can give you back what you lost, her pain will not make you feel better in the end. You may claim that justice have been made, but things won’t be back as once they were. Moreover, she suffered already as well, after all she lost you and she found out another time that her illness is going to make her be cast away.

It is not forgiveness your problem, you already forgave her and renounced to act in revenge. What you need is filling up that void left by things you lost. You need to take care of yourself and find something new to do in life, something you can be again proud of, something that makes your life fulfilled. It may be easier said than done right now, but you may start by granting yourself some gifts, an holiday, something you ever wished to do. It is time to give yourself a redound and maybe a prize for forgiving her. Imagine you had the choice to trade your health for something else, what that something else would be?