Hi David,

It seems clear to me that you should not have any trust issues at this point. She was completely honest and told you what’s on her mind. She did not promise you anything and it is not sure she will eventually be in a relationship with you.

Now the decision is yours to make. Do you want to try to compete for her with the other guy or do you want to give up? Consider that she may take an huge amount of time to actually decide, there is also a risk that she gets so used to the competition that she sees no point about deciding and she may eventually feel comfortable to have two half-boyfriends. So if you decide to compete, discuss the pros and cons, but set a deadline for her decision (a month or so), if she didn’t decide by that time, let her go. Do you want to wait for an undecided girl forever? There are many others who may have a much more clear mind.

However, let me point out that you are not in a good position. The other guy is closer to her and he can be there for her much more often that you can. She is free to see him whenever she likes, since she is not committed to you. Moreover, you will have to spend much more resources to keep the relationship going on. If you push yourself now, you’ll going to be tired later, she will spot the difference and may claim you are not the man you was. If you try to keep a sustainable pace, chances are the other guy will do more to her eyes because he will not need to pay for the distance.

My personal advice is to let her go. Be proud of the fact she still thinks about you after such a long time, but your bound is not strong enough and things are carrying you away. Tell her that you fear the distance may eventually make things worse with you and, since she thinks you and the other guys are about the same, the other guy is going to be a better match because he is closer.

Anyway, feel free to discuss with her the pros and cons of the situation, especially the distance issue. However, do not expect she can be very clear about it, nor push her to take a stance. There are things she may only understand by actually living them. The point that seems to worry you is only one: if she commits to you and if one day she finds something better, will she still be with you or will she follow that something better? What do you think would be the right thing to do? What would you do in that situation? What do you think your girlfriend should do? Most importantly, are the future expectations more important than the present that you should renounce to a nice relationship in the present for the fear things may not work out in the future or is it ok to be together as long as it lasts? These are the questions of trust you need to answer. She may not have a clear mind yet, if it is so, it’s up to you to gamble you time and risk or to look somewhere else for what you want.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by Vhanon.