Silentwatch, Anne and Vhanon, thank you for your words, for having the patience to answer me.
I have red hundreds of articles and posts about this and i’ve been through this before. Like i said, i know more love from other women will come, and when we think someone is the one, we find another person that gives as much more….i know these things…they used to confort me in other situations.
I truly bellieve it’s over, i really do. That’s why i said i WANTED her, because i have to kill these urges to be with her again, the kisses, the laughters, the movies, the naps, the sex…. i can’t desire these things anymore. I’m actually doing better than before, but sometimes i feel like i’m gonna die. It’s not all about her, everything else is falling apart. I’m alive and i know it will get better, but….
We talked a few times after the break up. She has her defenses up and bellieves i’m gonna hurt her again. I didn’t demand anything of her, but she felt like i did. We had differente point of views about life and i thought to be right. I treated her like crap on two ocasions, and that brought up a lot of insecurities that she felt with me, because i always had problems to express my feelings. Most of it, was my fault. But i swear i didn’t know i was making her sad in the last months, i did the best i could to show i loved her. Once i understood her pain, i changed. But for myself, to improve my life, my job and all my relationships. She is not the center of my life, no one can be. But in our relationship, there was always respect, tenderness and love…. we NEVER demanded anything from each other…
I don’t want to overanalyze all actions between us. She said a few times to still love me. “I miss everething about us, and i still love you, but we can’t go back. I don’t know what i want.” She is also very jeoulos, even after the break up. It stopped for the last two weeks, wich is bad. She treats me very hot and cold….. contacts me to talk about normal things, and stuff. I don’t want to be her pitty target, if that’s what she is doing, being my friend outta pitty.
Maybe i should be looking at my own actions. Never acted needy or clingy around her after the break up, but she did a little, couple of weeks ago. I didn’t pushed her boudries, not even once, never asked to get back together, because logic doesn’t overcome emotions. I’m always happy around her and said i’m cool with the break up, because i think that saying how i really am would just push her away. I don’t know whatelse to say….. i feel like i have lost her forever. Don’t know what i should have done. Sometimes i just think she doesn’t feel anything for me anymore, i don’t know.
Of course there are a lot of details in this story, if you guys want to know. Right now, what i wanted is to kiss her, just a kiss. I know it’s wrong, but it is how i feel.
Does anything make sense?