Hi Tyler,

Judging by your description, it looks more like you are having a pause as a couple, taking time to reflect on what you want separately. You said that you really want to move on, however you are still thinking somehow about why you cannot be back. Your mind is not yet set on that resolve. Likewise her mind does not seem yet set. So my first question is, are you sure you want to move on?

You said you have different views about life. Then the relationship can work only if both of you are going to accept the difference. It means that she should be fine with what you do when you take your decisions and you should be fine when she takes her decisions concerning that topic you do not agree on. If you cannot accept that different point of view, then there is a chance it is going to be an unhealthy relationship and you will always point out to her what is wrong about her behavior. She may not like that and desire to be around people that accept her mindset. When you treated her poorly you showed her you did not accept her behavior. I do not know what happened in the following months, but there is the possibility that you just made her think about how poorly you treated her just by talking about your point of view, even if you were calm. Maybe you made her feel insecure, just by showing with your own behavior how things should be done differently. Somehow, you became “better” than her, and she no longer felt worthy to be with you, she could not change her viewpoint just simply because she did not want to.
Can you tell her with all sincerity that the way she behaves is fine? Can you accept her viewpoint as an equal to yours and not give to it a lesser state? Can you apologize with all your heart for your behavior? You should not apologize because you hurt her, but because you did not respect a viewpoint or behavior that have the very same right to exist and be respected like yours. Can you do that?

If you cannot do that, you may still be in a relationship, as long as you avoid those situations that make that behavior, you do not like, occur. Can you stay away from these situations? How long? You may even plan to stay together for a short time, till the infatuation passes and avoid bringing back that issue for the time being. You both should have a clear mind about what you would like to do and may discuss about it. Do you want to stay with her in the present, do you want to stay with her for one year, do you want to stay with her forever? Do you want to just share a kiss? Do you want to try to see whether you can avoid those situations? Tell her. Then she will decide whether that is OK for her or not, and you’ll receive a honest feedback and you can elaborate some more on it.

How would you describe your relationship so far, what did you have, what did you hope for the future? Maybe you can start from these questions.

Anyway, if your resolve is to definitively break-up with her or if you talk with her and find out that the issue cannot be resolved, you should stop talking and meeting each other as long as your infatuation lasts. As long as none of you can keep the warmth down, you will continually give hopes to each other. Moreover, when you see her you are going to suffer because your mind goes to the pleasant memories you cannot have back. Likewise she is going to suffer because her mind goes back to the same very memories and hopes. So, you should take time completely away from the other, start doing new activities and think about something else. Do not put on display anything that reminds you about her. Change the image of your PC’s desktop, change the color of the wall of your room, change your hairstyle, do something new. The pain will not pass in a day, but giving ambiguous signals to each other is going to delay your recovery. Maybe you have the strength to resist giving signals, but it seems you cannot rely on her to do the same. Do you want to move on and not feel unnecessary pain? Maybe you can explain to her your reasons, but please, stay away from her or at least interact as less as possible. It is going to be good for her as well. She may definitively give up and feel free to give her heart to another man. If you fear she may be lonely, doesn’t she have friends she can talk to, while you are away? Though, you should not feel concerned so much about her anymore, she is not your girlfriend, isn’t she? You will eventually meet later, when feelings will be gone and you can talk as friends with peace of mind.