Oh Tyler,

I’m sorry I could not be of any better help. If she says she does not know what she wants, that’s a sign of indecision and she wants to deal with it alone for the time being. I don’t think that what you had is completely lost, you were in love, you had good time, you respect each other and deep down you still care. No matter what, when she will make up her mind, she will still consider you more than anybody else. You are the first one she will think about. She may take time to notice the change, however you have to change everywhere in your life not just in front of her. Of course I’ll advice strongly to hold on such a hope, she may decide she does not want you in the end, and if you die waiting she may actually notice a bad change. So, yes, it is a loss but not a complete loss. Would have your past been better without her? You said you changed, aren’t you happy about your growth? Moreover, remember you are still in her heart somehow, and that will be forever.

Yes, it is a loss, but not a complete loss. Please, imagine applying what you learned at your workplace and in your family. Imagine she is secretly watching over you, and she congratulates when you act according to your change, wouldn’t you feel proud? Move forward, you never know who you will meet along the way, that person may be her once again. Isn’t there somebody else in your life you can talk to about your current problem? Someone who may stay close to you as a friend? Maybe a priest, a counselor, a teacher?

Nevertheless I’m sorry for your loss and I understand things cannot be back as once they were. However, if you think a little, you’ll realize that many things change and are not as once they were, we just do not notice it or give any weight to it. I understand you are giving a heavy weight on your relationship right now, however that is the trick to go out of it, to shrink the space and time you dedicate to that thought and fill yourself with something else like friends and hobbies. That’s also why I was suggestion to not see her at all, so that you had less chances to think about her and to renew the feelings you still have for her. Of course time is a great help as well. I know everything seems easier said than done now.

However, feel free to talk about your feelings to anybody you think trustworthy. Tell your boss or co-workers that you do not feel that well these days due to a loss. Feel free to write what you think on this forum, try to be as open as possible. Say everything. Once you have written the post, read it again and decide whether you really want to post it or not. Sometimes just expressing your feelings to somebody or in print actually helps relieving the stress you have in your mind.

One more thing, who does say you should not desire her? You still need time to come out of that after all. Your thoughts are your thoughts and do not hurt anybody but yourself. Just keep them in check and do not act on them, unless everything is fair and fine. I mean feel free to daydream about flying, just do not try to jump from a cliff. Also try to shrink the time you dedicate to them, and try to think about something else. What about an holiday with some good friends?