I’m sorry your in-laws are saying such hurtful things.

Easy for me to say, but I would keep in mind that they must be in great pain, suffering great insecurities, if they find some sort of misguided comfort in belittling you. It sounds like your husband’s family has developed a dysfunctionality with a particular circle-the-wagons emphasis of supporting each other’s belittling.

I would try, hard as it seems, to view his family as truly suffering, and deserving of great happiness that their own actions prevent them from achieving.

I’m not sure there’s much you say, other than “Well, I’m doing my best to be the best I can be, and it’s not always a straight path.” But keeping in mind their dysfunction is based in suffering will help you step out of the direct path of your pain and see it for what it is.

Lastly, you may consider not attending all the family events. If they cause you discomfort, you can take a pass.