Hi Jan,

It’s a tough cookie. Having been on the recieving end of a break up more than a few times, I understand that feeling of wondering whether if there is something you can do to make it right. Maybe a text, an email, a letter, a phone call, an apology….basically anything to let the other person knows how much you missed them. The sad truth is that there is nothing you can do to make someone love you and as the saying goes, if they are meant to be in your life, let them go and they will come back to you anyway. The more you give in to your urges to make contact, the crappier you will feel about yourself when they don’t respond until you realise your happiness is entirely dependant on how they interract with you. Looking at it from the other side of the fence, if you decide to break up with someone but they continue to contact you regularly and try to win you back by buying you little gifts, will that make you want them more or less?

When I had my break up earlier this year, I thought to myself that wow, so this is rock bottom. The decision I had to make at the time was should I try to win her back or should I use this opportunity to make some long overdue changes? I decided on the later because even if by some mircale that I won her back, we are still the same people and as Einstein once said, the definition of insanity is trying the same thing but expect different outcomes. So I stopped drinking for 3 months, started meditation and yoga, changed jobs, went overseas for 3 months and moved somewhere else when I returned. In the begining, I thought that perhaps if I improved myself, maybe she will come back and that kept me going for a while. However, while I was travelling in South America, I realised that I can be happy on my own and instead of focusing on the other person, working on myself is for myself is far more important. Afterall, the only person that I can be certain of spending the rest of my life with is me and if I don’t take care of myself, why should anyone?

Once I’ve returned, I ran into the ex and she asked if I wanted to hang out again as we have a lot in common. We gave the whole thing another try but found that we are no longer compatible because I will no longer put up with certain things. That’s ok though becasue the improvements I’ve made are still there but I would probably feel a lot worst if I’ve spent the year trying to win her affection.