Thank you both for the advice, and Inky.

Dude:

You’re completely right. Although my intentions are solely on wanting to hangout with her for no expectations at all, deep down I do want something more. And yes perhaps I saw something more, but it isn’t going to unfold if I keep falling into these traps. I’m going to just let it go and carry on. Unless she contacts me then I’ll do what AikiBen suggested.

Thing is, I feel as if I start to decline her invites now, that she will grow uninterested, and although I want to hangout with her and see her, declining her invites just b/c to play a “mind game” is stupid, when in fact I could easily meet up with her. This is why I despise playing mind games and dating in general… it sucks.

AikiBen:

So you’re saying to go off the grid right now, then when she initiates to get together the next two times to decline them both? Sounds tactful, and fair enough; however, as I previously mentioned, I feel as if the more I decline, the more she will grow uninterested then I’m getting no where. Thing is, by doing nothing I’m getting somewhere with her? By doing nothing it feels like I’m getting nowhere.

We’re due to meet up eventually because I did promise her I’d lend her a textbook for a uni class she is taking next semester. So whether it’s just for a quick get together or we grab coffee/tea or something, then she’s getting the textboook. Or should I start with this “mind-game” then? First suggestion decline it tell her I’m busy. At that point she will just be wanting the book more at this moment instead of actually getting together legitimately. And what if she asks me openly “What days are you going to be available this week?” Then should I just respond and say I’m busy all week sorry? Then what if she flips the cards on me.. “Ok let me know when you can get together…”

Mind-games suck. Why can’t we just be straight up and honest with each other and call it a day? It would be so much easier in the long run. But no, it has to be a game and there are rules and guidelines.. it sucks.

My nice guy intentions will just compromise and want to come to a mutual agreement on a get together. By me playing the ignorance cards and not responding and saying no intentionally just seems wrong is all.

• This reply was modified 9 years, 12 months ago by Spidey.