Hello,
I’d like to say that you should be proud of yourself for asking for help. It’s only at that point can you begin dealing with the issue in a real, applicable way. The perception you have, the fears you have about it, are all stemmed from past failures. You’re not your past. The past serves as a teacher. Experience that shapes and molds who we are. If you haven’t learned from that experience, you’re doomed to repeat it until you do. If you have learned from it, this is your chance to apply what you learned from that experience and better yourself. Fear will always be there. The trick isn’t to get rid of fear, the trick is to coexist with fear to such an extent that it has no effect on you. At that level, fear only exists as a kind of warning signal when something doesn’t feel right. Fear is necessary. It’s just that most of us misuse fear or let it take over us. It’s crippling.

I know how easy it is to be pulled into that ‘darkness’ but it doesn’t need to consume you the way it did last time. There is also light inside you and if you know there’s a darkness, then of course there will be a light. Find your light and use it to motivate yourself. It’s essential to know what you want. Write down your goals, where you want to be, who you want to be, everything that matters to you. Then write down how you’re going to get there. Discipline yourself. Exercise. Fight negativity with acceptance.

The first step must be to understand yourself, your desires, and your fears. Accept everything about yourself. Only then can you use your weaknesses as strengths. Then relentlessly pursue your goals with the belief that you’ll achieve them. Believe you can do it. Believe you can overcome. We have so much more strength than we give ourselves credit for.

I hope this helps. Good luck!
You have support all over and what you think will become your reality. Think wisely and carefully.
Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is me personal blog. Check it out if you need any advice.