Hi Volcomjeans,

Just because she likes that guy, it doesn’t mean he is a better man than you. When my ex broke up with me, she went out with someone who is much older than her (10 years), less attractive and less intelligent (her words not mine) who ended up cheating on her. I went through a period of pain wondering why she liked that guy and eventually realised that it’s not a matter of who is better but who she feels a stronger attraction to. We went for a second attempt after she broke up with that guy but even though we have a lot in common and shared a unique bond, it didn’t last as we are not compatible as partners. Similar to your situation, she offered to be friends but I cannot see myself as the “back up guy” or someone who hangs around hoping to have another shot through the friend zone or someone who can actually be friends with her. So even though I treasure our bond, I’ve decided to move on because it would have been incredibly unfair to myself to extend that pain. It’s not easy and I wondered about that decision quite a bit in the initial period but now that I had time to think about it, I feel that I’ve made the right decision.

It is said that when you are at your lowest point, your heart is open to the greatest changes. What you are feeling right now, this ball of energy that feels like it’s eating your heart is something that you can channel into something positive. Instead of drowning it or let it work against you (e.g. second guessing what you could have done to change the outcome), use it to make changes in your life that you have always wanted to make but never had the time/motivation to do so.

What define you as a person is never about what happend to you but how you handled the situation. When you look in the mirror, do you want to see someone who stayed in a relationship because of feelings of discomfort or someone who used this experience to become a better and more compassionate person? Make a decision that is consistent with who you are and you will not worry about who thinks what in a few months time.