Hello lovebuggie.
I understand about the hiddenness of what you go through as I go through a hidden illness also. Mine is not the same as yours but it is true, that no one can understand us if they have not walked in our shoes. And even if they have, the experience isn’t ever the same so we are always left feeling isolated and in pain to a degree.
If anything I say sounds judgmental, please know it is not meant that way. I am like you in that regard. I have been through too much to be judged by anyone and I do not like to place judgment on others.
I want to understand you and I am not sure I do, really.
When you say this man is tormenting you, of course, that triggers my strongest emotions. “Torment” is just not in the realm of anything I would want anyone to have to experience.
I am not sure why he thinks you like it unless he has a type of mental disorder as no one who is stable or sane would torment anyone they say that they love.
If he loves you and is using this method to keep you in some kind of hold then you are in a place of bondage to him.
You want him to release the power and control and take that leap.
OK that is fair and reasonable. Is your question to us, how to get him to do that?
It is my hopes that you can offer a little more information to us.
I see that you feel he can help you and that he loves you and wants to help you.
You say that what you want changes daily and I get that.
On any given day, what is it you mostly want?
To be loved? To be desired? To be treated in a certain way? If so, what way is that? What does love look like to you?
Do you feel empowered by this man’s presence in your life?
I hope you can come back and tell me more. I wish you well and want to help any way I can.