Hey mattr,

I know that it is really hard right now – I have spend the last weeks in a similar state, and it’s true that it very difficult to focus on positive things, as the darkness and fear and rage will swallow every positive thought immediately.

What you are trying right now is running. You want this to go away. You want to force yourself to be or feel different than you do right now. You are saying “this can’t go on” “I can’t take this anymore” “how can this be if I know it should not?”
You are telling the part of you that is afraid: “Shut up! Stop crying!” This does not help that part! It’s as if you were telling a child that is afraid: “There is no monster, be quiet!” when you should be telling it “I understand that you are afraid. It is ok to be afraid. I’m here with you.”

Wat Yue is saying is right: You need to face these feelings. You cannot make them go away. You need to accept them. And then they will transform. It is nothing magical:

Think of it as a biochemical reaction that happens in your body. You cannot stop it, but you can look at it and understand it.
Don’t be a hater – be the chemist who looks with awe at this phenomenon of nature (that exists for a reason!) – even if part of that phenomenon is sitting in the car crying and not knowing how to tackle the workday. (Been there, done that.)
Try to write everything down, even if you have the feeling you already know what it is and feel stupid doing it. But if you know the triggers, and you know exactly and in detail what thoughts follow them and accept that this happens right now and know why it happens, you will start to feel more distance and it will loose its power over you…
Try to accept that right now it is there, because it wants to tell you something. Let it stay, I promise you it will go away!

And get help! You don’t need to do this alone!