It’s been a month since I decided to grant my ex true forgiveness & it was going well until the other day when she got an ex bf (possible current bf again) to bring my child over to the contact centre to see me.

Since then I’ve been hurting inside. All the old feelings of hate & bitterness have resurfaced & for the past few hours I’ve been having a mild anxiety attack.

I know that Buddha would say “he brought your child to see you, be thankful for that” as opposed to me being angry about it. But no I can’t do that. He is one of the men involved in my original pain & it’s just not possible for me to be thankful to him for anything at all.

I have things to keep me busy & productive for example today & tomorrow I am doing a suicide intervention course as part of my new job training. I have my studies, self development reading, meditation, exercise. I’m just really trying hard not to allow this dark cloud back into my life.