Thanks again for the feedback above. Things get so deeply rooted, I was born with birth defects and my parents were 19 when they had me. I honestly attribute it to their partying teenage lifestyle. Being born with physical facial defects, it has filled me with anxiety and self consciousness for as long as I can remember. To now be in this current situation with my parents, the one relationship which is supposed to be most loving, unconditional, and longest of all personal relationships, just feels so hurtful.

I realize their lifestyle with addiction has a lot to do with this, but i will not allow that as an excuse. Especially since “it takes one to know one”….I was fully functioning throughout my addiction years, full time job and a good parent. They have never punched a clock, worked the system, lived and still live in house one was raised in, never provided health insurance for us, etc. etc. I should have know better but I trusted that my own parents wouldn’t steer me the wrong way and screw me. I struggle daily with whether or not to allow my daughter to see them. They watched her one day last month and it killed me inside, such a horrible feeling.

They are both on public assistance and I believe they are getting ready to sell the house. I was threatened with being ‘so screwed’ if I pursued the restraining order in court, which I never showed up and they ultimately dropped the case. I don’t even want any money they would have given me if the house sells, and what a way to maintain a relationship, basically by bribing. Even being there on Christmas, the drug use in my face, as I approach four years clean almost feels intentional……So much hurt and pain….D