Forum Replies Created
February 7, 2015 at 2:51 pm #72487
well, can’t sell for anywhere near what I need just to pay off the mortgage. Also have no where to go, so we are stuck here and bound to this property, which in lies the painful regret and resentment…….talking with a lawyer soon, hopefully to get some answers…February 4, 2015 at 4:11 pm #72390
^ Thank you for the response, you have hit the nail on the head with how we feel about this house as well. Have a meeting scheduled Monday with a lawyer to see exactly what our options are as far as getting out of this house. It is exactly sunk cost fallacy, and realize we will never get the money back that we have lost. My concern is to get out of this place without losing any more money, or at least trying to stop the financial bleeding.
Parents are absolutely using, even mistakenly texted me on xmas eve morning rather than their dealer. More lies about it, and caused a huge blowout on xmas eve, just what everyone wants to do with their mother on that day…..Just really struggling with how to forgive and let go of anger. Also don’t forgive myself for being so stupid an naive when I bought this damn house. I realize they will never take responsibility for anything and arguing with them is futile.
I am becoming okay with letting go of the house and money, however I feel even if / when we do get out of here, my financial situation will be so screwed up with no savings, no credit and no house that i will still be unhappy with the decisions that put me in this mess…..i am my worst enemy when it comes to being hard on myself…..
Thanks for the response.February 2, 2015 at 3:38 pm #72275
how do we get over anger, forgiving someone and not contacting them anymore really is not forgiving is it?January 31, 2015 at 5:24 pm #72166
I can accept mistakes, but the rumination and false sense of security of purchasing something through family “shouldn’t” turn out this way just eats at me I guess. I didn’t have a very good reason NOT to get it inspected, probably my lack of negotiating skills, or whatever, I really didn’t want to haggle with my parents and growing up around construction I had no reason to think it would have had so many defects, if that is in line with my formula of how the world should work….i don’t know.
My therapist says ‘radical acceptance’ and it is in line with what you guys are saying here.
Thank you for the kind words of wisdom, upward and onward….January 31, 2015 at 8:17 am #72142
Thanks again for the feedback above. Things get so deeply rooted, I was born with birth defects and my parents were 19 when they had me. I honestly attribute it to their partying teenage lifestyle. Being born with physical facial defects, it has filled me with anxiety and self consciousness for as long as I can remember. To now be in this current situation with my parents, the one relationship which is supposed to be most loving, unconditional, and longest of all personal relationships, just feels so hurtful.
I realize their lifestyle with addiction has a lot to do with this, but i will not allow that as an excuse. Especially since “it takes one to know one”….I was fully functioning throughout my addiction years, full time job and a good parent. They have never punched a clock, worked the system, lived and still live in house one was raised in, never provided health insurance for us, etc. etc. I should have know better but I trusted that my own parents wouldn’t steer me the wrong way and screw me. I struggle daily with whether or not to allow my daughter to see them. They watched her one day last month and it killed me inside, such a horrible feeling.
They are both on public assistance and I believe they are getting ready to sell the house. I was threatened with being ‘so screwed’ if I pursued the restraining order in court, which I never showed up and they ultimately dropped the case. I don’t even want any money they would have given me if the house sells, and what a way to maintain a relationship, basically by bribing. Even being there on Christmas, the drug use in my face, as I approach four years clean almost feels intentional……So much hurt and pain….DJanuary 30, 2015 at 4:41 am #72108
Thanks for the kind response, I do appreciate it! I guess we can’t change people and humans do make mistakes, however I am really tough on myself and can’t seem to find any peace. I realize I will never receive an admission of guilt or an apology, however it just frustrates me that someone could do this to their own child.
Yes, we do have a roof over our heads, granted and I should be grateful for that. Emotionally, everyone agrees I need to physically get out of the environment and I can’t stand feeling trapped, with no solutions as to how I can move on. That fact, the ‘stuck’ part I guess is what really hits home and affects me the most.
Peace to all……..D