Hi Catherine,

“And it just occurred to me that maybe, like I said in my original post, I was already whole and loved myself enough to start a new relationship and love, but maybe it’s not because of me and because of a lack of self-love that it didn’t work out, maybe it’s just not the right person or situation? I feel like I’ve been blaming myself because the relationship didn’t work out. And that’s not loving myself. ”

Yup I did the whole blamming myself thing too and went on a journey to improve myself hoping to get back together with the ex for a year. As a result of that journey, I felt a lot more confident and comfortable in my own skin and had great authentic interractions with the people I meet a long the way. When I got back, the ex and I did give it another shot but it did work out because whenever I am with her, I feel like my old self and I didn’t like that feeling. I find that the thing about human relationships is that when we first get to know someone, we have a lot of steps and misteps along the way but once the routine is defined, it becomes very difficult to change it. The other thing I found when I returned is that though my internal landscape has changed, she is still caught in the same pattern. In the end, it’s just easier to end it rather than keep going.

I’ve been on a few dates since then and meet some interesting people and one of the things I’ve noticed now is that I pay a lot more attention to how I feel about the other person whilst in the past it is the other way around. If you are looking for an area for improvement Catherine, I would recommend bring autheniticity in your interraction with other people. Instead of trying to play the perfect game or present the best side, just let it be. I find that not only others respond better but that I enjoy our interractions a lot more as they are heartfelt and meaningful rather than just an exchange of information.