Hi piper,

Honestly, reading your post make ME feel resentment towards your step kids!

So maybe that means I’m the last person that should be posting?

I don’t understand why some parents think it is ok to have chore expectations of 20 year old “kids” as though they can only perform at the level of a 10 year old and then other parents have their 10 year olds doing many responsibilities. We all have our abilities, and we all may function at different levels but it sounds like your step “kids” are more capable than they are performing and expecting too little from themselves and too much of the “adults” in their life.

My post is sounding full of judgement… I wish it didn’t. This is certainly a sore spot for me.

It sounds like the “kids” and your husband see them still as kids and not the adults they are capable of being.

It also sounds like you are struggling with treating them like kids vs adults and not wanting to make waves and wanting not to be in their disfavor too much.

I think you need to listen to yourself and take care of yourself. I don’t know what that means. I don’t know if it means letting go of your expectations for your own peace. Or maybe it means being more selfish in your actions and putting yourself first.

This is where I struggle. I struggle with feeling that I am acting compassionately but then finding myself neglected or frustrated somehow. Like I am busy taking care of others happiness and my own gets forgotten. How do we get these things in harmony? How can a ride to the mall also be loving to ourselves? If it can’t, then what is in harmony with our own nurturing?